Golden Eyes under cover
by LauraJaneSharp
Summary: When Renesemee has two weeks to go until she starts Forks High School, things start to change. Rensemee only has a year and a half until she wont age no more, but the experience is a lot more surreal than any of them would have thought! PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Limestone 

The sound of the familiar lullaby came into focus I started to open my eyes though I was too tired so I shut them again. I needed to know if the sun was shinning or not, it didn't matter not really I didn't sparkle or anything unusual like the rest of my family, I just wanted to see if this was my lucky day, I was juts _so _tired. _Dad _I thought hoping his thought would be focused on mine rather than Alice or Rosalie's or anyone else's. Just 2 and half seconds later he was by my side. I touched his check showing him exhausted I was.

"It's a Saturday Nez"

With that I fell asleep once more. Pleased I had no tutoring.

The next time I woke, I could actually open my eyes and to my surprise Alice was sat on my bed.

"Morning well afternoon Renesmee." I groaned at the thought of wasting half a day. Then I realised something much more particular, Alice was staring at nothing in particular so she was obviously trying to see the future. It wasn't her and Jaspers anniversary or Valentines day so she wasn't trying to see what gift he was going to get her. The thing is all though her reading the future was nothing out of ordinary she never even tried when I was around she couldn't see anything when I was around and she couldn't see me, so what was she doing.

"Alice, What's wrong, what happened" I started to go in to a panic attack nothing out of the ordinary with my heart beating as fast as it did normally all that needed to happen was the slightest increase in heat rate and I was in a panic attack. They were the most annoying things ever. Urgh.

"Jasper" she said there was no need for her to shout he could hear perfectly fine. Then suddenly I was a lot calmer and I knew Jasper was behind me I didn't need to look I could feel his presence.

"Seriously Nessie, there's nothing to worry about"

"Except"

"Well actually I was going to call Jasper even if you hadn't gone into a panic attack though I knew it was most likely you would. Your father thought I should tell you rather than anyone else he said that I would be able to phrase it right." She murmured. This was defiantly bad but before I could go in to another panic attack I felt a lot calmer and more awake than before.

"Thanks Jazz"

"No problem, anytime" I laughed and so did Jasper, though Alice's gaze towards Jasper said all, this was no time for jokes.

"When I said it was the afternoon I actually meant Sunday afternoon" ugh. The waste of one whole day and a half. Why hadn't dad woken me these were questions I would intimidate him with later, It wasn't fair to put Alice through more pain than she was already.

"Dang" I murmured

"Right here I go. You're Mum and Dad have gone to go and see Renee and the reason you were so tired was because you were drugged, they didn't want you to kick up a fuss"

"They have gone to see Renee with out me, _again" _ this was bad news but understandable.

The Last time they had gone to see Renee I was at the stage of a seven year old. I had kicked up a massive fuss, I only wanted to see my mums mum who I had never seen before and she didn't even know I existed. This had upset me very much and they had missed their plane and there stay was shorter than expected and this had upset my mum tremendously.

"Well…, can you blame them?"

"Not really" I said in a sulky tone. "So how long have they gone for" I said in my normal Cheery tone.

Her expressions said all, she was impressed. I had changed tremendously since the stage of a 7 year old. I was now 6 years old so I only had 1 year and a half left of growing and the whole growing process had really slowed down all though I looked like a 12 year old my mental state was well beyond human, but I wanted to enter high school so I was now 14 years old. I knew my face was going to mature tremendously in the next year and a half and I knew I was going to be stuck at the age of 17, the same physical state of my dad.

"I tell you some thing you're not the same old Nessie, Nessie. Im quiet proud of you"

"Thank you, I would have thought that my father would have known this from my thoughts, but I guess nobody can be certain on how im going to react" Alice laughed and so did Jasper and then I heard Emmett's roar of laughter down stairs and Rosalie's chuckle. I was very surprised to hear this as I thought they were still on there 3 month vacation. I quickly rushed out of bed and shouted

"EMMETT, ROSALIE?"

I ran as I fast as I could down the stairs though I feel on the last flight of stairs and landed sitting on the floor with my legs wide apart. Then everyone burst out laughing including my self. This was something I hated about my mother and about being half and half. I hated my mother for being so clumsy when she was human as I had inherited this from here. I could faintly here the laugh of both Carlisle and Esme. I didn't like to call them Granddad and Grandma or any other variations for grandparents. Though for the pass six years I had always had Granddaughter written on my birthday and Christmas cards.

I jumped up and ran in the front room I gave Rosalie I hug and Emmett though giving him hugs was never a good idea he always crushed me, but I had missed him so not giving him a hug was not an option.

"You have changed" Rosalie whispered.

"Well not really you're the same old Bella" Emmett chuckled away care free not realising his mistake which made us laugh at him and not with him. Then the smile disappeared of his face when he realised the joke was on him.

"What?" he questioned all of us staring at no one is particular

"Its Renesmee" I laughed rather than spoke.

The day passed in a blur and I knew that two weeks from now I would be getting ready for my first day of high school. Though at the moment more thoughts were more based on being lonely right now rather than two weeks when I would be Nessie the monster or freak. I missed my parents and Jacob, Jacob was on holiday with his dad in Florida for the week and he left last Wednesday so I still had a good few days with out him this made me very miserable no Jacob and No parents. This was Crap. I switched my ipod on and fell asleep after about an hour. This night was very different to most nights; I had no care free dreams which today would have been the best part of day. No tonight I had a nightmare. I dived in the sea from the cliff which my mother had once jumped from when my father ad left her. I found my self doing it for the same reason so I could hear Jacobs, Mums and Dads voices, they had left me. Though even though the sea water was cold I swam further down to see the fish, to see if they could calm me down I would often dream about being underwater with the fish, they just had some sense of peace about them. Though I started to run out of breathe which could never, never happen but it was so I swam as fast as I could to the surface of the water. I got so close to the top I decided to put my hand through the surface just so I could reassure me that the air was still there, not surprisingly it was. Just as I was about to take a breath of fresh air I felt a tug on my ankle and was instantly pulled back under the water and as I hard as I tried to reach the top of the water I just got pulled down further and that was it, nothing, I woke from a blood curdling scream, only then to realise it was my own.

My eyes flung open I was still screaming and I wasn't going to stop until I ran out of breathe as I didn't have the energy to stop. I woke to Alice holding my hand to her check. She then realised I was awake and gave me a hug, It was only then did I realise she was crying what the hell, I was the one in the nightmare, o right so was she I had shown her, I had no self control on my gift when I was asleep. She immediately called for Carlisle though I didn't know why. He rushed to my side it was then did I realise that I was having a panic attack the biggest one so far and I looked behind me to noticed Jasper trying to calm me down but it wasn't working, why wasn't it working.

"Jasper what's happening?" but before I could get a response there was nothing. Just nothing I guess I had passed out though for some reason I enjoyed nothing for awhile but then there was truly and utterly nothing no thoughts or anything I didn't even know who I was and what it meant to be alive.

"Why didn't you call, Carlisle. Didn't you think that I might want to know my daughter was seriously ill?" my father was questioning Carlisle.

"Edward calm down. CALM Edward. Thank you for calling Jacob" she said gratefully. I was guessing she was mum. Jacob? Jacob was here. That means it must be at least Wednesday.

"Yes thank you Jake." Then I heard lots of mumbles well shouting. But one had stood out more than the others my mums.

"Carlisle what's happening? Is she alright" she shouted I really tried wanted to tell my mum to calm down and I had a really clever and funny come back line which I knew would reassure her that everything at was ok. I could imagine my self saying it

_Jezz mum Carlisle is only half way across the room and Im guessing up tied up to machines do I look alright, I feel fine though. Tell her that dad please._

"She's cold that all she's just a few degrees above our temperature" he replied

I heard my father chuckle. I could feel everyone stare at him I gathered this was his response to my request.

"What is it Edward" everyone said at once

"No it's just something she thought, her thoughts her back"  
"What did she say well think anyway" mum said in a panicked tone

"When you said _Carlisle what's happening? Is she alright _She was really trying to tell you something but she couldn't find the strength so she told me to tell you to and this is her exact thought she says _Jezz mum Carlisle is only half way across the room and Im guessing im tied up to machines do I look alright, I feel fine though." _

I could feel the sense of realise of relief in the room but then disappeared as soon as I started to shiver violently.

"Fine. Ok." My father started, obviously an answer to somebody's thoughts. "Jacob would you please warm Renesmee up" he said in an unsatisfied tone that I could understand. Result was the only thing I didn't think, I was very good at controlling my thoughts around my father. I immediately felt the warm skin of Jacobs next to mine and then just for fun I was wondering how hard it was to think of nothing.

"She's gone blank again." Dad said with sadness in his tone of voice.

"Just when we thought we were getting somewhere" I heard Esme whisper. There was silence for a few minutes. Then Jacob spoke.

"You know I don't think of her that way Edward, and I won't till she's old enough. I just want to help her, I want her to be happy, so please Edward, trust me" he grumbled the last part and at the same time wrapped his arms around me tighter. I was very careful but somehow I managed to touch his face and show him how much I appreciated him for saying that. He just pulled me closer and whispered "anything for you my dear, if you want me to make vampires my best friends they will if you want me to leave you I will, If you want the whole entire world I _will_ get it for you. I Love you Renesmee Carlie Cullen and don't you ever forget it. And so does everyone in this room and don't forget that either." I was more than happy with his little speech to Dad and to me but then I really did loose my thoughts, I had passed out again. Nice one Nez.

The next time I could actually wake up I did. Because I had found my self not in unconsciousness but in that nightmare again. I was once again woken by a blood curdling scream but again found it was my own scream. Once again my eyes flung open, and once again kept screaming until I had run out of breathe. I was just about to go in to the unstoppable panic attack when someone squeezed me, and then someone put an oxygen mask around my face. The familiar song my dad sung to me every night and in the times when I was upset or distressed started to play and in a sense of relief, I relaxed and released the tension in my muscles. I opened my eyes less violently and turned as I found I was in a very uncomfortable position. I turned to see Jacob smiling at me, this cheered me up tremendously but not enough for me to return the smile.

"Nessie" I heard my father say.

"Dad, dad, dad. Help dad help." I screamed at the top of my lungs as I realised I had imagined Jacob and that he wasn't there smiling at me I could see him in the corner of the room asleep.

"Its ok Nez, calm down, its going to be O.K" his words soothed me but still I was uncomfortable. I heard dad explain what had happened about my imagining things, I could hear her silent tears fall to the floor.

"O come here my Renesmee, shh shh. We won't leave you Nez and you don't ever jump do you hear me. Do you? O Renny what have you got your self caught up in now."

No they weren't listening it hurts, it really hurts my head it hurts im going to black out.

I repeated that thought to my dad again and again. He called for Carlisle immediately though I screamed his name. I was in pain it was stabbing all over the centre of the pain was coming from my head but it was almost like it was shooting at different parts of my body attacking them one by one, they were short bursts of pain but they were strong and they were getting longer.

I tried to distract myself I focused on something over than the pain. _I feel sorry for Carlisle. _Was the only thing that I could think of. _Seriously he goes out to have five minutes and I just drag him back in again. _

"you're so like your mother" me and mum both stared at him. I didn't understand but mum most of done. Her mouth turned up at the sides she was trying very hard not smile but I could see she was not obviously but she was smiling.

"Why is that Edward?" she stared at dad like always. Love filled eyes, no point in forever with out him no tomorrow if he's not there. He was everything she ever wanted and more, she would die for him she would do anything just so they could be together.

"Bella, Look at her, she has your eyes, well when you were human your eyes were exactly like that. Her thoughts and her actions are much like yours she is not bothered by her pain but the person who is treating her, she wants Carlisle to have a break for 5 minutes" he was also trying not laugh and he too looked her with loved full eyes and he too could not live with out her his eyes were full of everything hers were full of a part from he had protectiveness in his making sure she was to never fall over or hurt her self or to never to be in danger.

It was then I began to jolt. I feared these would be my final moments and I had to get my message across to Jacob but not through dad but through my self through my own words not thoughts._ Dad, get everyone here now I want to say goodbye dad. Im going to die dad I can feel it. Do not argue please I want to say goodbye. Please tell grandpa Charlie that loved him very much and I would like to say goodbye to Jacob he is everyone to, please, Dad _

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen never say that don't even think it don't even say, never say that your going to – die" he said these words with regret.

"DAD. Please just do this for me please" I screamed at him with all the force I had left. Then before I knew it they were all there everyone including my Jacob. _Thank you._ Now i just tell everybody goodbye, I could feel the tears on my checks it was not much that my life was shortly to be over but more that I wouldn't get to say with the ones I loved for longer.

I started with the person nearest the door, Rosalie. "Rosalie, you're the prettiest thing that has ever touched the earth, thank you for helping my mother when I was killing her, before I was born and thank you for being there for me, thank you Rosalie." I glanced a thankfull look at her she was staring at the ground I think she was crying but I didn't know, I was going to miss her to. "Emmett, well…. Thanks for cheering me up when I was down and no offence but it makes me laugh hard my stomach hurts when you loose but I have never won against you and just before I go my name was Renesmee"

"Your name _is _Renesmee" he corrected me.

"Alice" the tears fell harder now. But I managed to find the peace inside me and carry on. "Thank you very much, you are truly not just one of the best auntys I have but one of the best friends I have. All though I may not agree with your fashion sense some times, you always do a fabulous job no matter who the unfortunate victim" I quickly moved on so nobody could interrupt. "Jasper, your gift is very handy I don't know how many times you have got me out of panic attacks, just this month. So yer thanks and if you could make everyone feel happy or more peaceful when im gone I will be able to rest easier" this thought made me smile everyone happy, that would make me rest easier.

"NO! NEZ, I was never there the one thing I had to stop I couldn't and I will _not _make everyone at peace because I will not be at peace myself" his words didn't hit but I really hoped he would keep everyone at peace. I quickly moved on before dad could say anything.

"Carlisle thanks a bunch, you have let me live in your house be part of your family live off your money and yet after all this you never give up on me not even when im in a bad mood you still think there is something else you can do for me, well please help mum and dad if they need any help" I very quickly moved on to Esme.

"Esme, you love everyone so much and you are one of the kindest people to have ever walked on the earth and hope you walk for much longer, this hectic mad depressing world needs some sunshine especially in forks- o and thank you" know I had the toughest 3 starting with dad then mum and then Jacob. _Please let this be easy_ I thought it to myself not to my father.

"I love you Dad, well I love everyone here but especially you, you always seem to have some kind of understanding well about most things and im glad to be your daddies little girl. I will never forget the geography lessons in the Amazon or all the concerts we went to for music. Im going to miss you, Dad. Thank you Dad." The stream of tears was getting stronger. I looked around the room looking at peoples face but not their eyes, but I met my fathers gaze and I saw the tears in his eyes so I quickly looked at mum which was a bad thing to do she was worse than everyone else. And she was next.

"I Love you Mum. I don't know what to say why don't I know what to say, Mum you are really truly the best mum anyone could ever ask for. You never blame for anything bad and you were going to sacrifice your life for me just to live, I was killing you and you let me live. Mum I don't want to go im going to miss you to much." I stared at my dad _Look after her_ was my only thought. He nodded once but seemed to shake his head at the same time in disapproval. Now I had done that, I felt like it was my time to go but something wasn't quiet right. Jacob? Jacob? _Dad where's Jacob. _

"He's right by your side Renesmee" I turned it hurt a lot but I had to see him just once, for the last time. No matter how painful. Just one, last look.

"Jake, I Love you" I couldn't think of anything anymore. Everything went black and dark but nothing I had said felt true enough, nothing. _Dad make everyone touch my face let Jacob be first I never got to say… Goodbye" _I could everything but that didn't matter I wanted to see once more see the colours of the rainbows, I wanted to go to the clearing to play baseball, but I knew I couldn't have that not anymore.

"Jake touch her face she wants to show you something, and then she wants us all to touch her hand, she think words aren't strong enough" my father said in a crackled voice.

I could feel the difference in everyone's touch and I showed them my memories of them the goods ones there were no bad ones and told everyone how much I thought of them the worst part was saying goodbye. As soon as Rosalie hand left my face, Goodbye was the only thing I never wanted to say ever again. Then there was nothing no thoughts, no feeling of being alive or at least half a live half stone. I was lime stone I crumbled away, I didn't stand strong and beautiful like the rest of my family, how I would miss them. This was it this was the beginning of death.

Then there was an electrical shock sensation coming from my chest twice did it do that then I knew Renesmee Cullen was no more, I was dead.

"Is she coming, do you think she will be alright" a very panicked voice repeated over and over again. I was dead and I was hearing voices, I never knew angels could be so annoying, this certain was defiantly going to get on my nerves she already had and we had eternity to go. Well at least Carlisle was right there was a happy ending for Vampires. Dad had always made a joke that I would go to limbo, because I was and half. I never found this joke remotely funny but it gave him a good chuckle.

Then the voices grow louder and it hurt even more to listen to them. I couldn't stand this constant murmur it had to stop it was to much. Somehow I managed to find the strength in me to scream "STOP" I needed to refill my lungs well what ever I had no that gave me more energy "YOU ARE GIVING ME A HEADACHE" I then realised I was being rather rude to the people who I was going to have to stay with forever. "sorry" I whispered. "I loved my family very much, it causes me distress to think they are unhappy, go on" I still hadn't opened my eyes though I could feel the shock through out heaven or hell or limbo. Dang. First impressions are always the ones that lasted longest, that's what Alice had always said.

"She thinks she's in heaven, she thinks she's dead" said a male voice he sounded quiet pleased with himself. What was he on about I WAS dead. No question about it I was dead. "Crap im in hell" was the only thing I could manage to say. Then all of a sudden I felt very, very warm but I liked this I was comforted and felt more peace in me, like a dead girl should. The pull towards the heat got stronger, but my peace got stronger as the pull got tighter.

"Nessie?" a female voice said her voice was pretty so she had to be stunning. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen?" ugh. That is so not fair I wanted five minutes more sleep before taking my seat in the stadium of the death. "Yes that's me what number am I?" was the only thing I could say. I heard a low chuckle it reminded me of someone, someone I loved very much, but I wasn't going to think about them now. "Nez open your eyes for them for your family, please?" I would do anything for my family but I wasn't sure if this is what they wanted. "I would do anything for them but are you sure this is what they want, what's your name?" I questioned in an intimidating tone like my father had taught me.

They words that she said next wore the words that would never leave me.

"My name is…" she seemed to be looking for some kind of reassurance I should tell her I don't bite and even if I did she would not be turned into a vampangel.

"I don't bite, even if I did bite you, you would not be turned into a vampangel, I promise I don't carry venom in my blood." I heard quite a few muffled laughs in the background, at least I was making somebody happy. "I know that my Sweetheart, I am a vampire already, my name is Bella Cullen, now open your eyes Nez your alive." With that my eyes swung open, and I felt the embrace of my mother, I had defiantly missed her crushing hugs when they and I had been away.

A few hours after I had come back to life Carlisle had said that he thought that the worst was over. But the pain was tremendous and all I could do was scream. Scream again and again and everyone moved out for the day apart from Carlisle, Dad and mum they stayed with me. The others wanted to stay to see me well but I knew my performances was very melodramatic every stab of pain I yelped there was nothing I could do. Jacobs warm skin wasn't soothing anymore but it burned but so did my parents, no one could touch me. I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe well not that mattered but I needed oxygen to talk and with every scream that took up enough as it was and I needed to speak to my parents to take my mind off the pain, so I was now breathing through tubes. I could talk but a scream would normally interrupt the conversation. Anybody would think I was overreacting, I would have believed them to if it was not for my father being able to read mind to see how much I was in, nobody would have believed me not even myself.

"Nessie" Carlisle repeated I didn't hear him the first time I most of been focused on something else, maybe why Alice couldn't see me in the future and why Jasper was losing his calmness about him, when I was around. I looked in Carlisle direction to show him I was listening. "Where does the pain seem to be coming from." _Pfft what kinda question is that, I can't tell umm EVERYWHERE._

"she cant tell, but I would say from the pit of her stomach and a lot around her back she cant move and she has a headache a big one" dad always repeated my thoughts. _I could have said that myself _ I thought in a way like the spoilt teenage Americans did who didn't care about intelligence and could barley write a sentence. I always thought like that just to annoy him when he had annoyed me. He chuckled I guess he knew that I was going to be the same old Nez.

"You could of Nez, I agree. But could you have replied with out screaming? That is the question" Jeez who was he some kinda of game show host, but he did have a point. Though I didn't want to admit I didn't want to seem weak. Then I laughed and half screamed, I realised with me screaming and almost dyeing I was going to be seen as weak. My father looked confused so I repeated that thought to him he half smiled.

"your not weak Nez, no you're the strongest girl going, you are in immense pain, a human would have already died from the pain your in, but you kept going, just like your mother did" I faintly smiled in gratitude. He was right my mum was strong she always had been and always will be she was strong mentally.

"Thanks mum" I whispered. She seemed shocked. I couldn't be bothered to explain it to her I was tired, this scared me would I wake up or would I go back into that nightmare of nightmares. _Dad im tired explain how mum is strong and how appreciate her giving that to me but not so much of the fainting and the clumsiness. But also can Carlisle give me something that won't make me go back to that nightmare. _Soon enough I was falling asleep from all the antistatic Carlisle had given me, he said that I would probably go back into the same old dream, and he was right. Every time I had visited the dream I got closer and closer to taking a breath but that something that tugged on my ankle pulled me down further. Then the same old scream, the one that I realised was my own.

This time when I woke I opened my eyes slowly still screaming like always I wasn't going to stop until I needed to breathe. This time when I woke up one of my hands was in between my mothers and my father's faces and the other between Carlisle and jaspers faces shared the other. Damn, I quickly reassured my father that I was ok. _Dad its fine, its just a bad dream that's all. _ I even managed to reassure myself that was a first, like my mother I was really bad at lying though I thought I was getting better at it. Then I got a very serious glare from my father, I hated it when he was mad at me. This made me almost go into a panic attack but Jaspers gift had not returned so Carlisle quickly supplied me with more oxygen. That's when I realised that it was me, I was why nobodies gift worked anymore because if I wasn't around they all worked perfectly fine and now my effect was rubbing off on Jasper and Alice already had always had her visions effected by me.

"It's all my fault, Jasper it's me your gift" my sentence was cut off by my mothers scream.

Then I got another gush of oxygen. My father was cradling my mother and was trying to get me hand off her face, what had I shown her dad most of been watching to but through my mothers mind she must of allowed him to. Mum only let dad read her mind when she wanted to, she must of wanted him to see something but what. _DAD! _ I screamed in my head, I was worried sick and so was everyone else as Alice, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett all rushed in the room. _What did I show her, DAD? _I repeated over and over again.

"Renesmee your missing half of your dream" he finally replied. What, what was I missing I didn't understand.

"W-what" Is the only thing I could say I was so confused.

"Nez how did you know about the cliff, how did you know that your mother jumped to hear my voice?" they told me I swear they had told me.

"You told me, didn't you?" I was more confused than before.

"No Nez, we didn't none of us did." He paused to take a breathe but I could see he wasn't going to speak again and my voice was to weak to speak, I had to know how I had found out. _Then how do I know. _That was my only thought. He left the room and the others followed apart from mum she most of already knew what was happening. I heard the gentle footsteps of my family walk down the stairs and into the dinning room where they had voted for my mother to be a real Cullen. A vampire Cullen. O no they hadn't told me that either had they, how did I know all this stuff. I was about to eavesdrop on their conversation when my mother leaned over me ad gave me a hug. It only felt seconds had flown by but it most of been a good few minutes as all the family were back.

"Renesmee, you have been extracting memories from all of us, we have been on the phone to Elazer, he says its possible your gift works both ways you can give and you can take." My father said as soon as he walked through the door. Ok. So my gift was more than I had expected but how does this link with in my dream. I was about to ask when my mother and father jumped out the window._ There is a door. _I heard my father chuckle. Then Alice answered my question for me.

"They have gone hunting they didn't want hear the explanation for your dream. When you wake up your dream continues, but it starts from the beginning but this time its more clear because your eyes are open. Bella could see why you were jumping and when and who was pulling you back down that's why she screamed. You jumped off the cliff because when you take memories of a person if they don't want them they will give them to you. So in effect you are carrying the other person's memories. The thing is though when you give them information that memories comes back to them only for a few seconds but its in a condensed form. So the reason why you jumped is because of the reason your mother did, Jacob had to go with his pack and you went to the beach, got bored and started to react what your mother had done. When you hit the water you felt peaceful and so went down to see if the fish were even more peaceful. You had though extracted a memory from grandpa Charlie and so you felt human so you felt you needed to take a breathe. But when you were in this state of feeling human, someone you had taken a memory off pulled you back under because you were the 'memory card' you keeping up?" wow so I was a bank full of others people memories and not my own. It took me a minute to reply, I enjoyed the silence.

"I think so" I replied

"Good. So this someone is drowning you along with everyone else's bad memories, they think it's a good price to pay one life, for no bad memories" I got it. I get it. I was the price people had to pay for no more bad memories. Why did my mum scream though, I didn't understand that.

"Alice it was just a nightmare, so why did my mum scream" I whispered shamed to admit that I had made my mother scream.

"She saw something" she replied she shied away from the question.

"What was this something" I questioned I couldn't be bothered to be intimidating it never worked on Alice anyway. No answer. I was about to ask again but this time to Carlisle as I knew he couldn't lie very well, and that Alice was very good at ignoring me. Just then though the biggest burst of pain yet hit and I couldn't scream it hurt too much so I some how I made my self black out. I could hear everything going on and then I started to fit I guessed as I seemed to hear Carlisle say something along the line. _She's fitting everyone out_. Or something like that. Then guess what nothing. I was crumbling away faster and faster, I was being eroded by a storm of the sea. Though as soon as I was out I wsa in the dream again this time I didn't jump straight away I turned round to see Jacob crying.

"Nez, please don't this is it this is your dream don't jump Nez no Nez no what am I supposed to say to Edward and Bella" It was all very strange it was almost if I wasn't me if I had known this was coming I was prepared I didn't want to jump but I couldn't not. I ran up to Jacob gave him my letter for my family and one from him.

"Jake im doing this to save the family, then they don't have to meet her and well suffer" after this I walked towards the cliff edge but it wasn't right. I ran back to Jacob "I love you I whispered in his ear as jumped into his arms hi whirled me around. He kissed me, but I pulled myself away before I changed my mind. This time I ran to the cliff edge and jumped off the edge and heard them all, all 3 _Goodbye_ _I love you _hoping my father could hear me some how. When I hit the waters edge everything clicked into place the peacefulness, wanting to see the fish, running out of breathe. It all clicked and then I was close to breathing and I got pulled back down again. Then a scream and yes it was my own again.

My eyes flung open, I stopped screaming straight away.

"Carlisle" I screamed as soon as I saw him I gave him a massive hug to thank him and to reassure myself I was still here.

"what was that for kid?" he questioned he didn't normally get hugs

"Cant I give you hug? I feel like have been on my own for years"

"Well not years but days" Days how I loved them so. I had missed so many and I had been all on my own in pain, well people were always around me but still I felt alone.

"Carlisle what wrong with me?" I hadn't asked anyone that question yet it was the biggest one.

"Good question. I have a theory though when you feel down the stairs, you well did something to your back Its like your version of a jarred back. But this triggered something like almost a genetic war. There are two parts of you Human and Vampire. They are almost still trying to link together connect if you like, but when you feel they fought against each other. That's why you cant do much your body is not working together. The attack started in your back and that's where the pain triggered from. Your head hurts because it's coping with to much. Your stomach not your usually diet you can't eat with out vomiting you probably wont remember that. I need to see your back though. Im going to have to turn you over." He answered honestly and I could almost understand what was happening to me. My body was a civil war.

"It will hurt, would you like your parent and Jacob here when we turn you?" he admitted the pain he was going to put me through. I was prepared mostly because Jake was going to be with me and my parents of course. A few minuets later mum came through the door I beamed my best smile at her and went to touch her face she almost flinched away but she put my hand to her face and I showed her how sorry I was for what I put her through.

"My Nez my Renesmee. It was never your fault, but you can't see or know what I saw. Trust me on this." I was always going to trust my ma not matter what she asked.

"I have always trusted you, and always will" I smiled at her half heartedly. The silence was unbearable, though it was only one minute and 33 seconds it seemed well a lot longer than that. Then Dad and Jacob walked through the door mid way through a conversation they seemed to be acting like brothers, like he was Emmett or Dad was Seth. Carlisle followed immediately then after him Jasper. I guess he had sent himself here not for me but for everyone else. Dad nodded as into say yes that's why he is here.

"Nez, on three im going to turn you, Bella and Edward hold Renesmee hands so she can squeeze them though you will have to let go Nez when we have to turn you, I suggest you just swap them over, now depending what has happened to your back depends on what the next stage is." Carlisle said in a business like tone, not like he was dealing with family but just another patient in the hospital. I did as he said and held both my parents hand.

"So what do I do?" Jacob asked in a solemn tone.

"Jake she wants you here, you're here for support" Carlisle sounded in annoyed but im sure it was more like a, and? Jake nodded once and took two steps back he didn't realise I was looking at him, but when he did he smiled, but I couldn't smile back I was to nervous. His smile only got bigger in reassurance, it didn't work.

"3-" at this point I turned my head to look in my fathers eyes, he looked nervous for me and he squeezed my hand, he could tell I was scared as I had no thoughts, where as normally I was thinking I always seemed to be thinking, I could be silent for hours just sitting on the sofa or laying on bed and just think.

"2-" the next number the squeeze weakened on both sides I tensed every muscle in my body, still no thoughts.

"1" the final number both hands dropped and Carlisles and Jaspers hands were under my back and before I knew it I was staring in my mothers' eyes. The pain came shortly after It stabbed from all directions, I could feel my eyes change colour, my muscles tighten and well the owws from my parents as I retook their hands and squeezed as tightly I could.

"O" heard Jacob gasp. "Sorry, I can't" and with that he was out of the room. O dear what had happened to my back? I constantly started into my mothers eyes. She seemed to have calmness about them.

"Edward, Bella I think you should see this" Carlisle whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

Always the first

_Bella Cullen _

I got up and kept my gaze with hers as long as I could. Her eyes were the same colour as any member of the Cullen's when we weren't as thirsty the odd Gold colour. She was in so much pain we every scream she petrified me, I just wanted to tell her that it will be ok and take away all the pain, but this was the worst I'd seen her conscious, the only time her eyes changed was in the sunlight, it wasn't noticeable but I could see and so could everyone who was close to her. I didn't look at her straight away. I focused on Carlisle first his eyes told me all, this was bad. Edward gave me a reassuring hug and confidence flow though me, Jasper. At this point I turned my self to face the bed were my daughter lay and had died, that moment sent a chill down my spine I still hadn't thanked Carlisle for bringing her back to me. Though the sight that lay before me sent another chill down my spine.

Her whole back, my Renesmee, laying there. Her whole back was covered in bruises, it was a dark purple and none of her pale crystal skin was visible. It was covered and her spine seemed to be in shade of red.

"Bella" I was crying and before I knew it Edward had embraced me and he kissed the top of my head. "Bella, calm it down." He repeated as a whisper in my ear, I couldn't calm not after knowing my Renesmee Carlie Cullen was laying there helpless because of me. I showed this thought to Edward he pulled me tighter and then I shut of my mind again.

"Renesmee, you have bruises covering your back. They are very heavy bruises none of your skin is visible" I heard her silent tears hit the floor she was in pain, no agony

"I think this bruising continues, down the whole of the back side of her body, I will need to see the extent of these, Bella could you remove her clothes for 5 minutes, underwear can stay on but would you mind cutting her pyjamas off." Cut them off, I couldn't even take them off that would cause her too much pain. Why was her body fighting herself? I did as he asked.

"Momma, don't leave please" Nessie said through her teeth, gritting them tight so she wouldn't scream in the pain. I was never going to leave her.

"Love. I will never leave you, we will always be together through our hearts" I whispered In her ear I took one step back to see the full damage but her hand reached for mine I held it for 3 and a half seconds then loosened the grip of her hand which wasn't hard because she was so weak. I joined Carlisle to see the full extant of the damage. I wasn't shocked by what I saw but I was devastated. Her whole back of her body from the balls of her feet to the top of her neck was covered in bruises.

_Renesmee Cullen _

I wanted to see the look on her face so I to could see what was on my back. I knew it was covered with bruises but I didn't know the effect of this on the rest of the back side of my body. I didn't move or even try to think it hurt way too much.

"Renesmee like your back the rest of your body if covered in bruises, there is like your back no skin visible though this bruiseing will not be noticed by full length clothing which is why I hadn't noticed it before" I was amazed by the honesty in his tone, like he should of noticed earlier. Well I guess there was on good thing I wouldn't have to be trapped indoors I could go out, if I wanted to.

"When can I be moved, downstairs? and when can I walk again? and will I be able to attend high school in a week?" I questioned him.

"Nez stop with the questions. How could you even think about going to high school in your state and let alone move you down stairs. Nez look at your self, look what we've done to you, my Nez im so sorry" I could hear the stream of my mothers tears, as she spoke. Her fault their fault they were just questions that I wanted to be answered how was that an answer? She infuriated me their fault what the hell?

"Your fault, its no bodies fault. If I could look at myself I would but seeing as I cant move I don't think that is possible. I would like to be moved down stairs as soon as possible as it is more convenient for everyone else and I wont feel alone. Now I will not stop with my questions they have simple answers, you are not forgiven, there is nothing to forgive you for." I screamed then and only then did I notice how harsh my comment was.

"Sorry" I murmured

"You can be moved tomorrow or when your parents allow it, I think because I recon you can heal faster now, you will be able to attend high school. I recon, now remember I don't know how fast you heal, but I recon you could walk in 3 days, in 3 days you will able to walk fine but you will be very tired and it will be very painful when you rest." Carlisle answered my previous questions.

"NO, I think that's a bit to soon Carlisle" dad almost screamed across the room.

"Edward we need to get her on her feet before she forgets how to walk" Carlisle said calmly.

"Edward, I think he's,… right" mum said quietly in the corner of the room.

_Dad I'm so sorry, sorry, what I said was out of order are you and mum going to forgive me. I want start high school in a week and ill stay up here for well as long as you want. Please im sorry._

Dad smiled and shocked his head. Mum gave him a look as in to explain.

"O, Nessie. Me and your mother could never ever be upset by you, we may get a tad annoyed but never ever think that you need to apologize maybe once but never think we won't forgive you." He was ashamed of what he was saying, that made me cringe.

"Nessie you could never think such a thing ever" mum said in a panicked tone walking towards me she kneeled by my side and kissed me on the back of my head and held my hand.

"Umm I don't mean to sound rude but do you think you all could maybe leave the room for 5 minutes? Alice I need you" mum said in a normallish tone for her, she seemed very, well tired for a vampire. They did as they were told and as soon as mum had asked for Alices asitance she was there.

"O, I know I have an idea" with that my favourite little Pixie aunty skipped out of the room and 5 minutes later she returned. She had a pair of my favourite joggers though the had zips down the sides to a human this wouldn't be visible but I was just that little bit beyond human. She was also carrying a blue top with no back which to had zips that no average human would be able to see. Soon I was fully dressed and I liked alices Idea of being able to see the progress or the increase of bruising in my back.

"Nessie, its ok im here" my mother repeated in my ear when I woke up from my usual she held my close to let me know she really was there.

"JACOB" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was screaming as I had seen just one extra clip of my dream, I saw him turn his back away from me. I needed to know if he still loved me, I prayed he did.

"He's not here he's sleeping back home. He doesn't want to see you Nez not until your not in pain" this sent more pain in every part that hurt I closed me eyes so the pain wouldn't show in my eyes.

"Can I move downstairs today, Ma" I said in very calm tone to almost prove to her that I could pull this off.

"we discussed this last night, we have decided as a family meaning everyone Carlisle Rosalie, Jasper. You see were im going. Right we decided that Carlisle can set you up a hospital bed in the living room, and we shall have to carry you when we hunt. Carlisle is going to help you walk and he is going to see if he can find some strong pain killers."

"Ok. But mum it's so dangerous to hunt on someones back."

"Well your father has offered but we would prefer Jacob" mum admitted.

"Well ok" I admitted. It wasn't her best plan ever but it would do.

_Dad, Dad, Dad. _With every dad my voice or my mind got higher in pitch.

I heard him jump up the stairs two at a time.

"What" he questioned me in a cherry way.

"Ok. A, get Jacob and b, please move me down stairs." I was almost begging I wasn't usually a beggar I don't think I had ever begged in my life before o no hang on I did beg my parents to take me to see Renee.

"Jake!" Dad shouted. And with that he scooped me up in his arms and started to walk down the stairs and before I knew it I was laying on the sofa. Though Jacob had still not yet appeared, _Dad get him for me_. I saw him roll his eyes. He left to get Jacob but just moving down the stairs was tiring so I shut my eyes, seemed like a simple plain at the time.

"Nez! Nez! Are you ok? Come on Nez wake up, Not again I cant lose you again" I heard Jacob shout at me. Lose me again, What? I aggressively flung open my eyes. I could hear the faint chuckle of laughter from the rest of the family behind me. _Is there something you forgot to tell me dad? HUH? _I screamed in my thoughts.

"What do u mean by lose me again Jake?" I sneered through my teeth knowing if I didn't I would have screamed the house down. I saw dad give him a glance that said all, _Let me handle it_ was the exact look that came to mind and with that Jacob left the room.

"I asked Jacob _Dad" _I muttered under my breath even though I knew he could hear me I felt no regret, which was odd I hated saying or doing something that made me seem spiteful or horrid even it was just for a second not even that.

"Renesmee you were right when you said you were going to die" what he had just said haunted me I could feel myself change from my eyes to the colour of my skin to my temperature but the thing I noticed most was my heart rate drop rather than increase.

"Breathe Nez" I heard Jacob shout from the room next door, but I didn't need to breathe I never had needed to breathe but I did as he said it helped me concentrate but it didn't help my heart.

"I died. I was always half dead but now im more dead than anyone ever" I managed to spit my words out though I wasn't prepared for the aftershock. I don't know how but I did, I managed to get up from the sofa and run, I ran as fast as I could into the forest I wasn't me, because I was dead, so who was I now?

After a few hours of running anywhere and everywhere my back begun to hurt so I slowed down but decided that I needed to be near life rather than stone and immorality. I was in port angles just aiminglesly walking around the high street, the sun was shining so only Jacob could find me now. I wasn't worried by the sun because nothing abnormal happened to me, apart from my eyes changed colour, instead of them being a deep brown they went the honey colour like my dads eyes were. Port angles never worried me though hardly anyone I knew was here. After a while I decided to walk another hundred passes and then go into the shop that was closest. I wasn't expecting though, a shop filled with alchol on a normal day I would have just turned around but today this seemed like the only cure. I walked in knowing I had no money or no bag so I was going to have to be quick. I walked around the shop deciding what I was going to try, it was like choosing the best pain killer. After I had decided I walked back outside the shop and then when nobody was looking I ran as fast as I could and shop lifted the appropriate items. The adrenaline rush afterwards was brilliant but I couldn't turn round and do it again, Alice was near I could almost feel her presence, I knew she was hiding in the shadows waiting to pounce. I took the fastest and most sunlight route, not making any decisions and I ran as fast as I could faster than I had ever ran before. I soon become tired and stopped suddenly carefully making sure that I didn't make any decision. I sat by a tree and opened the first bottle with my teeth, Vodka. I drank the bottle in almost an instant, I was about to discard the second when I someones memory came to me, it was Jacobs. What the hell was he doing kissing my mum? Why the hell was he in love with her? The liar he told me that they were just the best of friends and it never went any further. Then it hit me harder than anything else could, I was just a tool, something so he could be near my mother. With that I was quick to finish the other 4 bottles.

"HA! Found ya" I heard a deep voice boom from the other side of the forest. Crap it was Emmett.

"Ed, Jazz" he shouted and with that I sprang to my feet and ran away as fast as I could. Though I knew it wouldn't be long before I got caught, I still hoped. I could feel Jazz making me feel tired but that wasn't going to work, not today. I couldn't hear Emmett, that worried me, that meant Dad was chasing me, dang I was never going to win this. Then I had the most tremendous idea, they couldn't pass the border.

"He's there Nez. Jacobs there he'll get you and he has given us permission for us to cross the border in this circumstance." I heard my dad shout, he was angry, very angry. I continued to run then dad was by my shoulder and jasper in front of me I darted to the side, only to be knocked down by Emmett. I laughed so hard although I thought I may just had cracked me skull it was just the most hilarious thing. Though I felt the tension in the others, so I was just going to have to crack my joke.

"Not only am I the worlds first dead and a half person, im also one of only half vampire and half human." I took a breathe "Not only have I supposedly been imprinted on by a shape shifter" I snorted at the very existence of Jacob. "I am also the worlds first drunk vampire" by then dad had had enough and I was know being cradled no snatched into his arms and being ran home. Alice opened the door at least I think it was Alice.

"How is she?" I heard Esme ask.

"Drunk!" Dad hissed. It was then and only then did I see Jake with his arm round my mothers shoulder.

" I don't care if you don't want me! coz that, that was awesome" I hissed in the direction of him and mum. Then I collapsed.

I woke with a scream and the worst headache ever though, why I had a headache I didn't know. I sat up in my bed catching my breathe which wasn't needed, I searched through my ever expanding memory and then, and only then did I realize this headache was just the tip of a very large iceberg. The anger flooded through me, I screamed and screamed hoping to wake up once more, but nothing. After eventually bursting into tears and punching many holes in the wall Alice put her head round the door just as was about to punch the fifth hole in the wall.

"Don't Renesmee one more and, just don't push your luck." She said in quite an aggressive but calm tone. With that she left not another word not another gesture on what I should do next. I needed to gather my thoughts and think of my next step, though shielding that from my dad was going to be hard. I forced the window open even though it had been locked and sat on the window swinging my legs over the edge. I could hear the rest of the Cullen's by the front door deciding what they were going to do with me.

"Well that's it then we will have to take shifts-" I over heard my father say to the rest of the coven. That was it I wasn't a baby, I didn't need looking after. With that I sprang form the window to the nearest tree or that was the plan if I had not been blocked by Emmett and sent crashing to the ground luckily jasper was there but he didn't help he just tried to make me feel scared by everyones presence I didn't need to be scared I was already petrified.

"Nez…" he began but before he could say anything else I had burst into tears and in hysterics shaking violently. Mum wrestled japser for me though luckily dad had heard my most recent thoughts_ If she even touches me im going to, to, to, _Soon I was being taken hostage again by my father who took me straight back to his and mums house. He sat me down on the sofa and I could tell I wasn't going to be easily forgiven, his eyes were black, coal black.

"RENESME CARLIE CULLEN I HAVE NEVR BEEN SO DISSAPOINTED" he screamed at me which made me burst into tears once more.

"IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT, DON'T EVEN TRY TO SAY IT WAS ALL ME AND IM RESPONISABLE FOR EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAPPENED. BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THAT."I screamed back at him I could tell he was rather confused. He could tell there was something bothering me now and that it wasn't for attention like most of the stupid things I did.

"Nez, please explain to me love" with that I raised my hand to imply he needed to bend down for me to touch my face. I wasn't going to miss anything out , with everything I showed him the shaking got worse and worse and to make myself stop shaking there was only one thing I could and didn't want to do and that was to collapse. Which I eventually did in my fathers' arms.

When I woke the whole family was surrounding me everyone apart from Jake, but mum was there, I decided that there was no use in being mad at her because she was clearly irreversibly in love with my father. Just then did I see Alice beam a smile at the rest of the group. _Ah I see you betted. I hope you won. _ I saw Emmett scowl at me _O they betted on something! _.

"You got it" dad whispered with a half hearted smile.

"Ummm so, why the big reception, im not going to jump out the window again or anything. But ummm yer I guess im kinda of what im really trying to say is…." I took another breathe to brace my self for what ever reaction was coming next. "Sorry, for being such a disappointment all the time"

"Well not all of the time, actually we are always really proud of you" Esme replied with a loving expression in her eyes, as always. How could she be proud of me, how could anyone be proud of me.

"Were all here to say that, well, we love you Nez, always have and always will. And as for Jacob, well to say the least he's a lot worse than you ar,e and you have got to come to one of us when you get other peoples memory's especially the ones from before you were born." I grimaced at Jacobs name.

"I saw what I saw" I muttered under my breathe.

"Umm yer you did, but as much as I think he doesn't deserve you and the fact he's a dog, you need to speak to Jacob." Rosalie admitted in front of everyone that must have taken her a lot of courage and well a lot of regret to.

"I don't know…" I could hardly bring my self to say his name let alone picture him next to me again, after all this was his entire fault.

"Nez its not his fault, if anyone its your fault well not your fault but your gift, your gift is at fault. Sorry, I didn't realize it was a thought rather than words" he admitted.

"Fine get him round" I almost shouted in response but I kept a certain coolness in my tone. It was just going to get harder.

"Actually Nez we have arranged you to go to his for weekend, your leaving this evening, no need to pack I went shopping" Alice added with a grin on her face.

"So can I get up now?" I questioned with a half hearted smile on my face. I didn't want to get up but it seemed like the best and only option, it was the only option that would allow me to collect my thought, to decide if Jacob was what I wanted.

"Defiantly not, so much like your mother" I hoped I was, she was pretty, thoughtful, pure minded, loving, generous, intelligent, the list went on. Damn he heard. I could tell. dads eyes light up in a certain way, they always did when I complemented anyone in my family, especially my mother.

"Why not?" I really wasn't getting this conversation.

"Nez you are still human well at least half human anyway. You were pretty drunk the other night, you have what people now days call a hangover. You need to rest Nez, you still stink of alcohol. You need to get it out of your system before…" he stopped mid sentence.

"Renesmee somehow well you see Carlisle has done some test and if you had stopped at the first bottle you might be alright but because your half and half. Im not explaining this right am I" Alice tried to explain.

"No not really" I replied. I laughed and so did everyone else. Alice laughed to but then she must have seen something coming as all her joking around stopped.

"NO!" dad shouted.

"It's to late; we cant do anything" Alice replied calmly.

"Alice what did you see?" Carlisle asked calmly

"She's-so-young"


	3. Chapter 3

There's always a first for everything.

"I don't think she should say Carlisle not right now, not right here" dad responded.

"It's me isn't it? She can see again." It was the only explanation. she could never normally see when I was there, I was a curse to for Alice but I considered my self to be a friendly one at the least.

"No well yes. She is able to see you again slightly. Your vampire half of you has come out to be more dominant than the other and that slight difference now allows her to search your future."

"What's up with then Alice?"

"You're an alcoholic Nez that's for sure. Though when you are fully grown, you will be in immense pain that's all I see." Wow I was an alcoholic, that wasn't surprising as every now and again my thirst wasn't for human blood but something else which im guessing was alcohol. Pain when im fully grown didn't sound to good though.

"How much pain?" Mum asked

"From what I can tell, worse than the transformation from human to vampire." That bad huh? Well then that meant I wasn't going to be turned into a full vampire which almost made me sigh because I was always the slowest and the weakest at everything, especially baseball. Though Alice seeing me again was a very, very bad thing, I would never be able to get away with anything!

"why? How is that possible? How long?" the questions flowed from me like a water fall crashing to its surface.

"Christmas break. I think. Well there's a tree decorated. I think" Alice murmured she wasn't really in the room she was in the future. Searching.

"PLEASE? Can I get up?" I screamed. I didn't know why, but it seemed appropriate.

"No. Renesmee you cant your hung over." Carlisle said firmly. _Who Cares? Give me some ibuprofen and ill be fine. I just need a drink. Then I will go back to sleep again. _

"Do you think Jacob has alcohol available round his?" My father asked my mother.

"No. I shouldn't think so." My mother replied in a wary tone trying to figure out or maybe trying to think back to when she has been their last.

"Ahhhh. Just give me it Dad" I started off my shouting but by the end of the sentence my voice was just a violent whisper.

"Nessie. Rise above it, no, I will not give u any source of alcohol, and neither will any body else. You want it you get it." My father replied, I don't think he really thought out the last bit. _Fine. _I replied bitterly in my thought. His answering stare seemed to smug and a huff from him just proved his stare. I got out of the bed and got to my feet. That's when the room stared to spin and the colours merge into one. That's when the one comfort took over, the blackness again.

"Sorry" I responded as soon as I got the control over my voice again. I new that I was strong enough this time; I could now feel the lightness in my limbs where the alcohol had left them and made them light once more. I loved being a vampire. I considered my self one, I was a full vampire when I wanted to be. Though I could have the best of both worlds and could be a full human, if I wanted to be. I couldn't morph or anything, but there wasn't anything to stop being what I wanted to be, mentally. I mean as long as it was part of me, if that were to be the blood rushing through my veins or the hardness of my skin, or my unusual heart beat, I was what I wanted to be. But most of all I was a _Cullen. _ I opened my eyes, to find no-one was there, no-one by my bed. I felt the tears swelling in my eyes. The tears over ran one by one over my eye lid. I made no attempt to hide them. I pulled the duvet over my head and sobbed for only 356 seconds until the door creaked open and the light shone through the door. the bed dipped lightly where he lay. The cold hit the bed hard but the duvet protected me.

"Renesmee. Come on, look at me, I need to see my daughters face at least once an hour, when she's conscious." My fathers voice surrounded every part of the room. I didn't move from under the covers, though my body gave me away, when one frantic sob jolted my body and took the air out of my lungs. That's when he took the duvets off me and put them over him self and pulled me up so that I was lying on his chest. Some how, I was completely covered in the duvet. Minutes passed and he still laid there lifelessly listening to me sob, the only sign that he was alive, was the movement of his chest, every now and then, and when he stroked or kissed my hair, or when he would wipe a tear away. The door creaked open once more but widely this time. Mum, Alice, and Emmett walked through, mum and Alice stood at the door. though Emmet tried to jump on me which defiantly scared me and I shaked whilst he was in the air, coming for me but dad stuck up his foot and he went crashing to the ground.

"Nessie, its time for you to go." Alice stated with a nervous excitement in her tone. Dad kissed me on the head and I got up swiftly. I started to walk out the door but Alice stopped me, knowing I couldn't speak I put my hand to her face , telling her goodbye and not to worry and to have a good weekend. She smiled politely. "You to" She embraced me and let me go with a kiss on the head. I opened the front door and the cold hit me like stabbing knives, though it was enjoyable. I had grabbed the keys to the Volvo, I jammed the keys into the engine, or I tried to anyway but my hands were shaking to much. My weight and suddenly been shifted to the passenger seat and the car roared into life.

"I couldn't let you dive. A your 6 and a half and B look at your self" my mother answered the look in my eyes. "How you feeling?" she asked obviously, wanting to see how my attitude was going to be towards well, um, yer, him, yer, Jacob.

"Fine" I lied.

"Not nervous?" she questioned me more

"yer a little I guess. Mum im really sorry"

"For what honey?" she was honestly shocked by my answer to _Are you nervous?_

"For being such a little madam, and being an alcoholic and for putting your life at-" My voice was just an angry whisper, I wasn't really talking to my mum but more to myself, making one big list of the things I had done to disappoint my family.

"Never, say you're sorry when you have done nothing wrong. Renesmee Carlie _Cullen, _I am so very, very proud of you, and once more I love you." My mother replied calmly, her voice was always a source of comfort and I could detect it from miles away if necessary. Her voice always made life seem less harmful and everything would slot into place, when she spoke.

"Love you to, mom" I honestly meant it. The c.d in which my dad had made for mum for her very, _very _unfortunate eighteenth birthday, was running. Her lullaby played and I knew how much pain I was causing her, pulling her away from my father. I was about to suggest that I could run the rest, when the car suddenly came to a holt.

"Have a… good weekend?" it wasn't a statement it was a question.

"Yer, that works. Ciao bella" I said as I opened the opened the passenger door . My eyes darted to the small wooden house, only to realise _He _was staring in my direction I quickly turned my eyes to stare at anything I could. Damn a bin. i could hear her muffled laugh as I headed to the boot of the car. I thought she would be impressed with my Italian. O right, her name was Bella, she was just mum to me. I grabbed the unfamiliar night bag, it was a bright quirky blue, with an unusual bag charm that was to, quirky, just like the vampire who had brought it for me, her name rang in my ears, _Alice. _

"Ciao" my called from the car, well not called but said, she knew I would be able to hear her.

I stopped in front of the door, I turned round to run back to the car, but as I did I heard the car doors lock and the car started to turn. I slowly turned round to face reality. It would only get worse in time, wouldn't it? My hand turned into a fist and I lightly knocked on the door twice.

"Hi, Billy" I sighed with relief at the familiar face. He was an alright guy, though he hated me for what I was, he always tried his best to not insult me.

"Renesmee" he nodded once and wheeled off in the direction of the kitchen. "Rachel and Paul, Jake, Leah and Seth are in the living room" he replied as he headed for the fridge. I walked toward the living room but when I was in between the door frame the whole room turned to stare at me. The expression on my face gave it all away. I turned around, and headed for Jakes room.

I through my bag on the floor, then his scent over powered me. The scent of comfort, protection, life, meaning, love. I missed him, I couldn't deny it for much longer, but he didn't love me, not really, he really loved my mum. I curled up in his bed and wrapped my self in his duvet, and let the scent do its damage, I remembered everything and anything we had done, the happy times. The tears hit the surface of my eyes, they always had an acidic scent to them. I cried until I couldn't anymore when my eyes were red and sore. Then I let the nightmarish sleep consume me.

"Nessie, Nessie. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP. Jasper isn't here he can't calm you, and Carlisle or his high tech equipment isn't either. _If you don't make it out of this jakes going to-" _ Leahs un-soothing voice came into focus and I fluttered my eyes open and as I did Leah got up and simply walked out of the room, she didn't like me either.

"Nessie, please let me explain" Jacobs voice came from outside of the door, I didn't move, I don't think I could. The door opened slightly and the light flooded the room he took a few steps into the room, though that cleared half the space easily, he was now only a few feet away from me. I hid my face in the duvet, childish, yes, but also it stopped any kind of eye contact.

"Listen Nez, I admit I loved your mum, but


End file.
